Creating That Safe Place

On this Mother's Day, I feel so lucky that one adorable blue-eyed blonde calls me 'mama' every day (and frankly a million times a day). But I can't get enough of it. This weekend as Austin has taken PTO on Friday, we just enjoyed doing a hike, playing in sand, going on walks, seeing ducks, splashing in the tub. And while all of these things are very small, I just felt a complete joy of having a family and creating a feeling of love between us. 

I've been reading this book about trauma and how the body deals with it and how to heal from it. Why I decide to read this book about abuse during a rather depressing time is beyond me but I've actually gained some interesting parenting insights. First, that I got the womb lottery, so to speak, with two loving parents who provided a stable home environment. 

As someone who has never experienced abuse or neglect, the trend that happens with these children that do experience that is they are not being seen or heard. Not to mention the trauma from being sexually, verbally, and physically abused. But to be seen and heard is a basic need we all seek. 

"Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health...social support is not the same as merely being in the presence of others. The critical issue is reciprocity: being truly heard and seen by the people around us, feeling that we are held in someone else's mind and heart." -p. 79 

 When they get older, they try different things to fulfill that and most things are not healthy and can cause even more damage. 

"But if no one has ever looked at you with loving eyes or broken out in a smile when she sees you; if no one has rushed to help you (but instead said, 'Stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about'), then you need to discover other ways of taking care of yourself. You are likely to experiment with anything-drugs, alcohol, binge eating, or cutting-that offers some kind of relief." -p. 88

I thought of all the people, Christ is the ultimate see-er and hearer that we have. That's one of the beauties about praying is so we can feel we are being heard. And we also can visualize in our minds Them looking at us, seeing us. Maybe that is why my experience last year with meditation and being seen was so powerful. It was a need I didn't realize I was longing. We instantly feel safe in their presence and want to return to Them again and again.

If Christ is the ultimate safe place, how can I create a piece of that safety in my home? I was listening this week to the 'All In' podcast about 'All kinds of Mothers' and what Virginia Pearce said really stuck out to me. She said that one of the best you can do as a mother is have a strong relationship/connection with your Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. To be close with them. That Spirit will seep into the home. The fruits of that might not show for years and years but it will be there. And you will feel peace and joy because of that connection. And she said to tell your kids how good they are and how good they're doing. I love this about my own mom. She is always telling me what a good job I'm doing and nothing brings me more joy so I can imagine how it feels for little kids (and big kids!) to receive that complement. 

How do you create a safe place in your home?