There's Room for You At the Table

I think I've mentioned it before but I've loved the Come, Follow Me for individuals and families study manual. It's been so enlightening for my individual study. This week again hit home some things that I kind of forgot about.

In Luke 14, it teaches about the parable of the supper. The man invites all these people to come but they can't make it. Then he tells his servants to bring the blind and the lame and how there was room enough for them.

I love listening to "Don't Miss This" videos each week for my study. When they were talking about this parable, they said this parable is all about those who feel like they are in the margins. And how there is room for you at the table. That last line was exactly the same thing that the Spirit whispered to me in October 2016.

We were living in Moscow and were in our new ward for about 6 months. I was starting to play basketball which helped to open up new friendships but there was still something that I felt nagging that I 'lacked': I didn't have any kids. And I didn't feel like I could relate or be real friends with anyone because it was almost like 'what is there else to talk about.' And in a church culture where it's focused on, it can be lonely and awkward at times.

One week in October I was feeling the anxiety of where do we fit in if we don't have kids? How can we fit in as a couple? How can we belong here? It was something that was pressing on my mind a lot because I knew in just a few short days, we would be talking to an OB/GYN about tests for fertility.

So many unknowns. But I also have to say, looking back, I'm so proud of myself for doing something that is hard. Making that call and then waiting 6 weeks out to see someone is scary. No doubt about it.

Two days before this appointment, we had a ward fundraiser where it was dinner and a show put on by our youth to raise funds for camp and high adventure. There was a silent auction in the back which is where we were hanging out when we first got there. Then my new friend, Wendy, from basketball comes over and says, 'hey, are you guys sitting anywhere because you can come and sit at our table.'

Now, Wendy had no idea my upcoming appointment and knew nothing of what I was feeling that week. She's a spiritual gal so maybe she was prompted but I also know that's the type of person she is, but either way, it was a true tender mercy. It was the smallest thing really. But here she was, inviting us plus an older lady in the ward to come sit at her table with her and her fun loving family.

That's when the Spirit whispered the answer that I needed that week, "there's room for you at the table. Room for you at church, in your ward, in your family." And sometimes it's getting inviting to an actual table to realize that and other times it's just pulling up a figurative chair and making room for yourself even when you feel like there's not enough room.

As it happened, Wendy was conducting the primary children the next morning in the primary program at church. The last song the kids sang was an original from Kamie Jacobs Bolen called "Press Forward" and I loved it so much that I found the sample of the song on her website and had it playing on repeat the morning of our appointment. It helped calm my nerves.

The whole experience was another testament of God's tender mercies and He answers in ways we did not expect and through other people.

So here's to all of us in the margins at some point in our lives and still finding room for us and others at the table. Because really, there is always enough.

JJ Heller also sings about this very thing. :) 

Life Lately

Dallin is getting his 6th tooth(!) I didn't know kids got teeth that fast but once we're done with one teething phase we're on to another. 

He sure is my son because he loves peanut butter and loves spice. This kid's most recent love is this amazing African Peanut Soup (kale and all! Who knows how long that will last!) from Love Real Food cookbook (love that cookbook so much). 

He just learned to scoot forward dragging one arm in a sort of army crawl way. 

He still loves fuzzy blankets and continually wears them over his face while he sleeps. 

Austin has started playing in an ultimate frisbee league in Seattle. Absolutely loves it. 

I still go on mini hikes and walks throughout our area almost daily. The weather has been warming up so I can do that more. 

Austin is so good to let me have 'me time' once a week for an hour or two. I usually go on a hike and then journal or study the scriptures. This last Thursday evening I went on a new trail and I almost cried, it was so beautiful. I pinch myself thinking that I actually live here and I'm not just visiting. 

I've sort of binge making recipes from Faithful Plateful. Loved all the ones I've made so far! Carrot cake turned into muffins, madras lentils, chipotle bowls, hawaiian haystacks (not Austin's fav but I loved it), oil free granola (needs less salt next time), black bean salsa, mango quinoa salad, and no bake cookies. 

Finally started watching relative race from Emily's recommendation. I mean it only took us 5 seasons of convincing to finally get hooked. 

We also have been keeping up with 'Show offs' on byutv and Jk studios 'free lancer' episodes. Those both have been surprisingly hilarious. 

I've read some great books lately: The Faithful Spy by John Hendrix was the first graphic novel I did and it set the bar very high!

This Promise of Change by Jo Ann Allen Boyce is an excellent verse novel about her experience integrating into Clinton High in the 1950's. 

Radical Homemakers by Shannon Hayes-I'm still thinking about this one and it's turned my idea of homemaker upside down. Highly recommend!

A Light so Lovely by Sarah Arthur is about the spiritual legacy of Madeline L'Engle and it's very contemplated and moving.

I've been loving watching again and again 'The Sound of Music Live' British version that came out in 2015. Much much better than the Carrie Underwood version. It gives me chills at the end every time and I just want to clap when it's over! Plus the captain singing 'Edelweiss' is swoon worthy. ;)

In March I got two of my wisdom teeth taken out. Easiest recovery ever. I was so nervous but it turned out so much better than I expected. 

We continually love being here, especially grateful again and again for Austin's commute. It's been a life saver for us. He got commuter of the week for his company in March. 

Been to the temple several times in the last little bit thanks to a good friend who watches Dallin. Has been so wonderful!

We loved being in Oregon for General Conference with Mom and Dad Lewis, Ondalynn, Seth, and Viv's family. It was so fun and it went by too quickly of course! So glad to be there for Mom's birthday as well. 

Now for a ton of pictures from the last little while. Recent to later. 

 Dallin's sharp nails got in my nose and gave me a bloody nose haha

 Picture for his commuter of the week award

 Wisdom teeth post surgery-yikes

The battle is having to take away all the library books from his teeth. 

The Principle of Preparation

This last week in Come, Follow Me we studied about the parable of the sower and the seed. The sower and seed are always good. The soil is the fluid factor in the equation-the fulfillment of fruit is based on the preparation or care of the soil or the lack thereof. 

Some seeds fell by the wayside, some on stony ground, some choked up with thorns, and some planted in good ground. 

Sometimes I see parables and I see myself in the good light. "Of course I've received the word and heard it and understood it, I'm still a member of the church, aren't I? I've still kept my covenants." And while that is all good and worthy, I realize that this parable was not just talking about a one and done thing. If that was the case, it would seem that baptism was the end all. 

But the Lord works line upon line, precept on precept. In essence, we all experience all types of soil on a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly basis. It can change all the time. 

Just last night I experienced "the wayside." It was late and I was tired and had not read the scriptures that day. This practice of reading I've kept for more than a decade but I've sometimes let habit become 'vain'. I read but I wasn't in it. I read just to read. I didn't even remember, once I was on to reading another book, what I had just read. The seed, meaning the word, was there and it's good. But I didn't prepare my heart to receive it, to plant it, for it to eventually be nourished to grow and produce fruit. 

The whole purpose of the parable was "they should see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and should understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them." (Matt. 13: 15) It's all about turning our hearts to God, seeing what He wants us to see, and hearing what He wants us to hear, and understanding what He wants us to understand.

How can we get there? 

We must prepare.

In Alma it says, "For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors." (Alma 34: 32)

Sometimes when I read that scripture, I think of this big massive test that I'm studying for. Most of the time it's looked as a bit scary instead of excitement because I think I'm going to fail because time is a ticking! 

I remember in college being told that if I were to study for 10 mins right after class on what I just learned that I would have better chances of remembering it for the future test. The material would stick to my brain. 

This time of preparing to meet God is about changing, about repentance. "And the days of the children of men were prolonged, according to the will of God, that they might repent while in the flesh." (2 Nephi 2: 21) This is a daily practice.

One way of practicing repentance on a daily basis is through prayer. I'm approaching Him through thoughts, feelings, visualizations, and words. One way I find helpful to prepare when I pray is to meditate beforehand. And another way I'm learning more and more that I hope to continue in my practice is prepare to come with a question. And be sure to bring my notebook and pen because He's for sure going to answer me, sometimes with me asking more questions. 

Why is preparing important?

I was just doing a little internet reading (scientific, I know;) and preparing the soil early "increases your chances of having a high-yield crop" (https://www.gardenguides.com/68298-prepare-soil-vegetable-garden.html).  

When I come in prayer to God prepared with a question or with a clear mind after meditating, I'm saying, "I want to receive. Help me plant the seed into my heart so I can nourish it and help it grow." Preparing increases my chances of yielding fruit. 

When I get ready for bed, I don't simply plop into bed (unless we're talking newborn stage then you do whatever works!) If I want a high chance of getting a good sleep, there are several things I do to prepare: pj's, brush teeth, do the foam roller on my back, read until I get tired, etc. Sometimes it takes a good half hour to prepare but it tells my body that I'm ready. 

How do you prepare for the day? How does someone prepare to receive revelation? How can I prepare for General Conference? These are all questions I'm constantly seeking answers to because I know that there is great capacity to receive the word and see the fruit of it. 

This made me think of the compound effect. Preparing now, little by little, creates fruit that is yet to be seen but hoped for-the definition of faith. 

When you prepare, it takes great planning and care. And then you don't just wait. The beauty of preparing is it's continuous. It's the constant nourishment of the seed in the ground. Line upon line, precept upon precept. 

"All he wants is YOU"

As often as I can, I head over to St. Edward's and walk the beautiful trails. It doesn't matter how many times I go there, it always seems to boost me up, give me clarity and peace of mind, and keep me grounded. There is something about nature that way. 

Just last week, Dallin was strapped in the carrier facing me, and we were walking our usual route. This was the first time after weeks of snow and it was good to see green again. 

I said, "Buddy, look at these beautiful trees! Look how green everything is." But instead of him looking around, he had his eyes fixed on me. The Spirit whispered, "you could be in the most beautiful places in the whole world but all he wants is YOU." 

It honestly wouldn't matter if we were climbing mountains, splashing the water at the beach, or in a forested area like St. Ed's. He thought I was enough. Just getting a smile from me and a deep look into his eyes was really what he wanted. He wanted my attention. 

This reiterated much of what I've heard that all kids want is their parent's attention. Behavior is reinforced for good or bad because of the attention they receive from them. 

In my own life, as a child myself, I do long for my mom's attention and maybe that's why we have a call date every Monday. And maybe growing up, I wanted my dad's attention and thus the best way I knew to do that was to watch BYU football with him every Saturday. ;) (Hi Dad! I know you read this. Haha). 

But I also long for attention from my Heavenly Parents and Jesus Christ. My mom gave a great suggestion that during meditation imagine the Savior ministering. I tried this out and loved it. 

I have this certain meditation music playing, because music of any kind helps me to visualize, and I imagined myself dressed up in New Testament time. I'm running, getting in between crowds, going up on hill tops, all because I want to see the Savior and be near Him. I'm watching Him as He heals certain people.

 And before my meditation is up, at some point in this visualization, He looks up from what He's doing and He looks right at me. 

It's as if He's saying, "I see you." This encompasses everything that I might be feeling. He sees me and knows me. Fully. All that I'm experiencing in my life at that moment He knows about. And just getting His attention, seeing His eyes in mine, is all I want. 

Receive A Fulness of Joy

When I think of Doctrine and Covenants section 93, I think of light, truth, and knowledge. One of my favorite verses and one that has been on my mind lately is verse 33:

"For man is spirit. The elements are eternal, and spirit and element, inseparably connected, receive a fulness of joy."

It's simple but so powerful. Our element (our bodies) and are spirits are connected and they must be that way to receive a fulness of joy. 

How can they be connected? Is there ways we can align our spirits and our bodies together? 

I've just started Brooke Snow's 40 day challenge meditation course even though I've been meditating the way she prescribes since the beginning of the year. 

She talks in great length of the importance of meditation is bringing the body and spirit in alignment, specifically through breath and a mantra. 

Every day she challenges us to take three inhales and exhales through our nose before we start 5 minutes of meditation. The meditation practice is saying this mantra through every inhale and exhale: "I love and accept you, [state your name]". And we repeat this for 5 minutes. 

Our brains have been so wired to jump from task to task in short circuits that to be present for 5 minutes can sometimes feel like a tall order. She talks about having constant compassion and forgiveness to get right back on track. Imagine you're at a park bench and you see cars driving by. The cars represent thoughts and sometimes you see them float by and other times you hop in the car and go for a ride! But it's all about forgiving ourselves and getting right back to the bench. 

I'll admit that I was practicing this for 40 days previously and it was good but I knew I was lacking in something. 

I never coupled it with preparing my body beforehand. Now I recognize the benefit of finding alignment with my body and spirit by just breathing intentionally. I've also incorporated a few minutes of cat cow pose. My goal is to work up to doing 10-15 minutes of yoga before I start meditating. I love the sun rise one from Yoga with Adriene. 

One way to keep the focus and to make it more meaningful has been visualization. If I really want to bring this alignment of my body and spirit, I need to love and care for both. I've been having some funky issues with different parts of my body lately: leg, back, teeth, to name a few. It can be so frustrating and discouraging and I easily criticize rather than appreciate my body. At times, I'll bring a big inhale and exhale and send some love to those areas of the body that are a struggle. 

But lately, I imagine different parts of my body saying the mantra to me of "I love and accept you, Julia." And I do the same for that part of the body. I know that sounds like of silly but it's been impactful. It's like we're saying to each other, "I'm so grateful you're the one taking care of me". We're a team. We've got this. 

This also goes for taking care of my spirit. I've sort of slipped back into a habit of social media consumption. I know it's not all bad and I don't use it so much as a buffer but it just happens to be a time sucker every time I get on. It's interesting that when we engage in virtual reality of any kind, we're not fully using our senses so it's a form of separation of our spirit and body. 

No wonder my favorite ideas come when I'm on a walk at the park or even in the shower or even when I'm nursing my baby. So much of my senses are fully engaged. 

And I allow for those ideas to flow when I take the time to open myself to receiving them, both in my spirit and my body through meditation. 

I've determined that 2019 will be the year that I show up for myself. I can't wait to see the compound effect this simple habit will have in my life. 

What I've Been Loving Lately

Prixm-this is a new app 'by the people, for the people' type app. It's all about telling your story. It's a way to connect with friends and family like social media but it's intentionally much different. They purposefully try to make it so you weren't caught up in the time sucking, comparison driven, advertisement overload that happens with instagram and facebook.

 I've been using it since September and really really like it. Hardly any of my family or friends are on it and I'm the only one who posts so it's not necessarily a way for me to see what others are up to but more as a great platform to keep memories and experiences alive. 

I love that I get to post a picture whenever and it will know the day that picture/video is taken so your story will show up chronologically no matter when you post. Or you can put a picture/journal entry there and select the date that it happened. You can upload a picture from your ancestor with a date in the 1800's if you wanted!

 I can put pictures, videos, audio, and journal entries on here. I can upload them and make them personal so only I can see them, private so only my private followers can see, or public so anyone can see. I also love that there is no numbers of followers that you have or who you're following. You also can't see that on anyone else's either. I haven't utilized the group function much but I think it's similar to group me and I think would be a fun way to connect as well. They are constantly uploading new features and I'm excited to see this take off. 

Brooke Snow: I'm a huge fan of Brooke Snow. I love her book and podcast and then she did this episode with Spiritually Minded Mom and I've listened to it twice. So so good. I've never thought of prayer the way she does. 

Minimalist Baker recipes-I have been making tons of her recipes lately. They are some of my favorite. Like this quinoa fried rice. 

Big Love, Small Moments by JJ Heller-another new song by JJ and its superb. 

Philo-a streaming service like Netflix that has all three Hallmark stations on it. It was the way we watched all the Hallmark Christmas movies (our favorites were The Christmas Secret and Once Upon a Christmas Miracle). But we'll probably keep it because it's Hallmark, duh. ;)

Dallin's favorite picture books right now: The Pout Pout Fish, Jamberry, Barnyard Dance, Pajama Time, and Barnyard Banter. We read these every.day. 

Seeing the Prophet at Safeco Field

We've been anticipating having President and Sister Nelson and President Eyring to come to Safeco Field here in Seattle for about 3 months. When we moved to Moscow in August 2015, President Nelson (as president of the quorum of the twelve) had just visited in April of that year so we knew we weren't going to see an apostle for a long time. So this was very exciting for us!

I realized I've never seen a prophet outside of the Conference Center. And this was going to be twice as many people (nearly 50,000 were there). We rode on the bus to downtown, about an hour drive each way. There were about 4 different families from our ward at the same bus stop and a few other members getting picked up on the way there. The bus driver asked what the event was and the cute thing was he thought we were outsiders/tourists so he pointed out the Space Needle and Lake Union. He told us that if we were on his 8:35 bus back and we said 'event', then he would have a surprised for us. We ended up being the only ones from that first bus ride to catch his evening ride so we got the surprise which was a free bus ride. Super nice guy!

It was jammed packed by the time we got Safeco around 4:30. The lines were probably a quarter mile long if not more. It felt like Conference minus the protesters. And true to Seattle weather it was raining (but not as hard as it was once the devotional got started). Austin had fun seeing random people from his growing up days in Puyallup and a friend from BYU-Idaho. Marjorie was there but of course it's like finding Waldo in there but we did see a couple more people from the ward. One of the members of our ward got to be in the choir (they were amazing!)

Because the devotional started at 6, they let people bring food for dinner and for the kiddos. We were prepared with LOTS of milk for Dallin but he was so mesmerized with the whole thing that he didn't drink a whole ton. I think he was slightly overwhelmed though because he didn't really smile through the whole trip until we got home, comfortable in his own environment. When I changed him in the bathroom at Safeco, he had a really sad, I'm-scared-cry when he usually is so happy when I change him. Let's just say he was glad to be back but throwing off his schedule made it a rough night and rough Sunday which translates into a rough Monday. Always a great cycle, ha.

President and Sis Nelson and Pres Eyring all came out and it was neat to stand in respect for them. When they got to their seats, they kept waving. President Nelson took his seat and leaned over to President Eyring in amazement, "45,000?"

Presdient Eyring talked about the role of a prophet in being the voice of the Lord. He said when changes happen in the Church, it's our responsibility not to just take their word for it, but go to the Lord and seek personal revelation. It felt like he was giving a precursor for the message that President Nelson was going to share. And he said that usually what we need to hear in a meeting or talk is not anything the speaker says but what the Holy Ghost prompts to us.

Sis Nelson spoke about what it's like in their home these last 9 months since he's been called as the prophet. He would regularly get out of the bed during the middle of the night and write down revelations on a small yellow notepad that he keeps in his drawer by his bed. She is careful never to look at it. Sometimes she receives the impression to get out of bed during the night and she said 'her ancestors are very happy when this happens because that means she is doing family history work'. All the while, President Nelson is receiving revelation-sometimes she's gone for several hours. She's received her own personal revelation from the Lord that he is supposed to be the prophet. She actually received the same experience twice in a matter of days. This reminded me that sometimes the Lord needs to reaffirm again what we've received as another witness that this is true. I feel like this is her mission or calling-to spread how she knows that President Nelson is the prophet on earth today. 

President Nelson spoke about 5 things he's learned in his life these past 94 years. You can easily find these on lds.org so some things I took away from it:

-His experience on the raft when he wasn't holding onto the raft and he got catapult straight up. He said we are all on some rafting trip of mortality and the raft is the restored gospel and we need to cling on to it. Don't let go!

-He related an experience where someone asked him why he was so different. I loved his response: It's because I know the Book of Mormon is true. 

-Read it every day and you'll be immunized from the evils of the world.

-Reading it is the surest way to hold on to the raft.

-Temple covenants mean EVERYTHING to him. The honors of men just fade away when you really think about the true purpose of being on this earth. When he was in a near plane crash accident, all the honors and awards and degrees he got meant NOTHING to him. What was important was that he was sealed in the temple of God to his wife and their children were sealed to them. He said there is really only a small amount of what happens in life that is of eternal significance. Don't let even your occupation get in the way of those eternal things.

-The Lord likes effort-He blesses us for our best effort. 

-He uses the unlikely to accomplish His work.

-Put Him center in your life and He will perform miracles in your life.

-We're happiest when we're thinking of others than ourselves. 

-He wants you to have the family you desire. He will help you. 

My favorite part of the experience was when they were leaving we all stood and sang "We Thank Thee O God For a Prophet." Hard not to get emotional when doing that. That's when I felt the Spirit the most. 

Just reminiscing of when I got to meet President Nelson about 18 years ago. I remember the way he interacted with me made me feel like he was my Grandpa (which is funny to say because him and my Grandpa Smith were really good friends in graduate school at the University of Minnesota). 

Dallin's Baby Blessing

We just got back from a two week trip in Utah and Idaho with the Lewises and Doutres and their reunions. One of the highlights of the trip was having Dallin's baby blessing the first night of the Lewis reunion in Paradise, Utah. It was perfect because all the Doutre's except Bree who is on her mission got to attend since everyone was fairly close. It's so fun when our families get together because we've known each other for a long time since Mere and Dani were roommates back in 2007. 

The Johns were nice to do dinner and then we did pictures and then we gathered in the lodge for the blessing. Just for history sake, Grandpa Lewis presided, we sang 'I Am a Child of God', Emily conducted, Nic Davis gave the opening prayer. Then both Grandma Lewis and Grandma Doutre shared a few thoughts. Mom shared about her experience when she was in the delivery room with me. I really want her to write it down so I have it for future reference. I love whenever she tells me her experience. Grandma Doutre talked about the miracle of Dallin and how he didn't want the song to end because he could feel the Spirit of that song. 

Then Austin gave such a beautiful blessing. The brothers and grandpas on both sides were in the circle. Dallin was blessed with compassion for others, making decisions that would lead to the temple, and joy and light and sharing the gospel. I'm so glad others wrote down the words so that we always have it to remember him by. 

Then I got up and spoke a few words. I got a little choked up which was surprising even for me. I don't usually do that even in testimony meetings but I was looking out and thinking of all these people who have been praying for us for years and I just had to verbally thank them. We really have the best families. 

Of course, had to get the 'other' Dallin in there. ;)